Monday, October 7, 2013

Timelessness


Today, I began a course by Waverley Fitzgerald called "Slow Time."

In it, she asks, "Spend ten to 15 minutes writing a description of your current relationship with time."

Wow.  Well, ok.. here goes...

How do I feel about time?  

It goes by too fast! 
Just yesterday I was 7 years old, running barefoot through the corn fields, feeling the hot San Joaquin Valley dust puff up between my toes.

A day later, I was fishing in the slough with a bamboo pole, 
catching carp to feed the 31 cats my grandmother kept about the farm.  

Another moment passed, and I was flying the kite my grandfather made, 
while he, in his broken English shouted encouragement.  

A week went by and I was falling in love, bearing my children,
going to Cub Scouts and PTA. 

Just last month, men looked at me and smiled and I knew what they were thinking!

Then, in the blink of an eye, 
I woke up one morning,
 looked in the mirror 
and my mother was staring back,
 or someone who resembled her. 

My underarms were flapping in the wind, 
my knees didn't want to go down the stairs, 
my eyes had to strain to read, 
and my belly wouldn't get tight no matter how many sit-ups I did. 

Instead of chasing children, 
I was babysitting grandchildren. 
Instead of dating, 
I was going to bed at dusk and waking up at 4 am.

 Oh yeah, and men stopped looking and smiling.

Where'd I go?

Even though the quick passage of time has been shocking, 
I must admit, time has been good to me. 
I've had a hell of a life, 
and I've loved nearly every minute. 
I've chosen what makes me happy over what makes sense, 
and most times, I've come out unscathed.

What is my biggest frustration about time? 

I guess the biggest frustration
is that it seems to go exponentially faster moment by moment. 
My grandparents always said, "Time goes by faster each day," 
but I never understood it until I reached my 40's. 


I want time to S.L.O.W. D.O.W.N.
I want to have time to watch the sunrise, 
to enjoy my morning coffee, 
to listen to the bird song, 
to spend time with my loved ones. 
 I want to savor each moment I have left.

What aspects of my relationship to time do I find satisfying?

Now that I no longer work full time,
 I love that I can wake up slowly. 
I love being able to read my B.O.T.A. over coffee each morning; 
I love that I can watch my grandchildren when I'm needed;
 that I can do my marketing at my own leisure.  
I think my relationship with time is much more friendly, 
now that I am not pressed to hold down an 8-5 job.

What isn't working or needs improvement?

I think what isn't working is my management of the extra time I now have. 
I spend WAY too much time on the internet 
doing mindless, non-essential "stuff" like social networking. 
I need to be a better manager of my time.  
After all, social networking isn't really for us, is it? 
It's so the government and corporate america can keep tabs on us.


TIMELESSNESS: 

In my childhood, I often experienced timelessness. 
I grew up in the country, running with the wind, 
leaving the house in the chill of dawn and not returning until dusk.  
I spent my days looking for kittens in haystacks
building tree forts,
and exploring the mountains on foot.

I miss those days.

The birth of each of my children were timeless. 
Those few hours of labor seemed to go on forever. 
The reward was worth every timeless moment of suffering.
I'd do it over in a heartbeat!


There is one exceptional moment in my life when I lost time. 
I was about 8 years old. 
I left the house early in the morning 
and went deep into Mr. Williams' orange grove, 
a place I was not allowed to go, but did anyway.  

That morning, the bees were buzzing, 
working the blossoms, 
whose scent filled the air. 
I stumbled upon a pretty little pond, 
with glassy sparkling pebbles on the bottom
 and dragonflies flitting all around.

I sat down beside the pond and ran my fingers through the icy water, 
entranced.  
At some point, I heard my mother calling. 
I ignored her. 
My senses were filled with reflective light, 
rainbows, perfumes, cold water, and the buzzing of the bees. 
Then I heard her again, a sense of urgency in her voice.  
The third time I heard her, I got up from my rock seat.  
I turned to walk away, 
then turned back to take one last look.

The pond was not there!

When I got home, 
it was many many hours later and dinner was on the table. 
I'm not sure how many hours I lost, 
and I'm not sure exactly where I'd been, 
but I had definitely experienced timelessness.

I've never forgotten it.


TIME by The Eagles
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 

I want to fly like an eagle 
To the sea 
Fly like an eagle 
Let my spirit carry me 
I want to fly like an eagle 
Till I'm free 
Oh, Lord, through the revolution 

Feed the babies 
Who don't have enough to eat 
Shoe the children 
With no shoes on their feet 
House the people 
Livin' in the street 
Oh, oh, there's a solution 

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 



  

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